MARRIAGE OF A MAIDEN IN KAGORO : PROCEDURES AND REQUIREMENTS

By Emmanuel Gandu

INTRODUCTION
Marriage is the coming together in a union and relationship between a man and woman in which the independence and dependence is mutual, equal and reciprocal.
In Kagoro culture, people marry and give in marriage just as any other tribe does. The difference however, is the way and manner Kagoro society contract and perform the various marriage rites.
According to Kagoro tradition, there are three types of marriages performed for the convenience in which the different circumstances presents themselves. Interestingly, each of the three types comes with different rules of engagement and rituals.
These 3 types are :
(a) Maiden marriage
(b) Marriage of a divorcee
(c) Marriage of a widow

MAIDEN MARRIAGE
This is the marriage of a young girl who has never been married out before.
The ultimate desire of any Kagoro parent is to send forth their daughter in marriage to a healthy hard working son in-law, and for their son to bring home a deserving, fruitful and industrious maiden for a wife.
If identified, a lot more effort is put into action to make the union a reality, and in accordance with the Kagoro norms, culture and rites.
Please enjoy some of the procedure that makes Kagoro community a proud custodian of the cherished ideals of man’s oldest vocation – marriage.

(1) (a) Ancient/Pre-modern Kagoro :
In pre modern Kagoro society the father or uncle of a son on getting the information of the delivery of a baby girl in the community takes a hoe to the family compound of the newly born baby girl as a sign of betrothal of that new born baby girl for their son.
The hoe is acceptable only if they are the first family to bring a hoe to the family of the baby girl.
With this acceptance, the father or uncle of the boy further concretize his intention that the girl be reserved for his son. He does this by taking a number of male chickens along with “Chuan” (grinded Ridi).
This new born baby girl grows up to be the wife of the boy whose parents are the first to bring the hoe.
At the right age of marriage, the two kids who have now grown up to adolescent age will be told of the pre marriage arrangements their parents had made for them. Usually, the young boy and girl “will hardly kick against the wishes of their parents” – Didam (1991)
This practice was discontinued during the first years of the reign of Chief Gwamna Awan from 1945.

(b) Contemporary Kagoro :
However, in contemporary Kagoro society the traditional practice of taking a hoe, male chickens and “Chuan” to the family of a new born baby girl as sign of betrothal is no longer in vogue.
This has been replaced by a grown up boy approaching a matured girl for her hand in marriage through the following and other laid down procedure :
(2) The elders/family members of the boy pay a special courtesy visit to the girl’s family to inform them of their sons intention to seek the hand of their daughter for marriage.
(3) The girls family will request that they be given ample time to make a decision and get back to the family of the boy.
(4) Thorough investigation is done by the family of the maiden to ascertain the following :
(a) Is the family of the boy not in anyway related by blood to the family of the maiden ?
(b) Is the family of the boy free from having any unhealth liability history in their linage like insanity, or any other thing that may not be acceptable to the maiden’s family.
(c) The outcome of the investigation will determine the response of the maiden’s family to the request from the boy’s family, and will be communicated either in the affirmative or decline in reasonable time.
(5) If in the affirmative in (4) above, the dedicated liaison marriage intermediaries of both clans will swing into action by arranging a mutually agreed meeting date of the two families at the home of the maiden where the request for the hand of the maiden in marriage is formally made known.
(6) On the meeting day between the two families,
(a) Both the boy and the maiden must be in attendance.
(b) It is in this meeting that the boy will identify the maiden and make known his proposal.
(c) The maiden will also accept or decline the proposal.
(d) If she declines, the entire meeting and further discussion comes to an end.
(d) If she accepts, the boy is expected to hand over to the maiden his sign and physical token of betrothal in full glare of every body present. This token serves in place of the hoe of the pre modern Kagoro society. It may include an engagement ring, a bottle of special wine, beautifully wrapped cash gift, or anything that serves as an assurance that would cement the covenant.
(e) An agreed date is announced for the boy’s family to collect the bride list containing all the desired items in fulfilment for a maiden going in marriage.
(f) This special ceremony is rounded up with feasting, merriment, eating and drinking, and of course the beginning of bond/unity between the two families.
(7) (a) In pre modern Kagoro society there was a standard bride list/price approved by the elders and chiefs. This list and monetary cost was a reflection of the training, level and standard of education given to the maiden by her parents. The grading was done and graduated from bottom to top according to
(i)no primary school attended,
(ii)primary school attended,
(iii) teacher college/secondary school attended,
(iv) tertiary/University attended.
(b) However, in contemporary Kagoro society, the bride list differs from village to village, clan to clan, and family to family.
While some maiden families demand outrageously, others do not. It’s now a matter of individual volition since, according to the advocates of moderation, “Kagoro daughters are not for sale to the highest bidder.”
(8) On day of conveying bride items/price :
(a) The bride price and the items are conveyed to the maiden’s family on an acceptable date for both families.
(b) The boy, maiden and both parents may not necessarily be present at this ceremony.
(c) If all bride items are acceptable to the maiden’s family, the boy’s family may be expected to inform the maiden’s family the date for the wedding.
At the same time the maiden’s family is expected to agree with the date or negotiate for another convenient date.
(9) Ceremony of public announcement by the maiden’s family :
(a) This is called “Oekan ndwo” in Gworog language.
(b) A date is announced by the maiden’s family to their clan and neighbouring clans to converge for the formal announcement of giving their daughter in marriage.
(c) Representatives of the boy’s family is expected to be present in this ceremony as a sign of public acknowledgement of their taking the hand of the maiden in marriage.
(d) There is refreshment of eating and drinking, entertainment and merry making during this public announcement ceremony called “Oekan ndwo.”
(e) The serving of drinks including the local Kagoro wine is supervised, presided over and done by one of the neighbouring clans and not by the clan of the maiden’s family.
(f) The maiden and the boy do not necessarily have to be present at the “Oekan ndwo” ceremony.

Nnuan Oegwaza nyin nshioa’a ?

Peace 🙏
29/9/2024